October 04th, 2020

               I woke up early this morning after about 4 hours sleep. My eyelids felt like they had 10 lb. anvils attached to them as I wiped the crusty sand away and staggered out of bed. Even though I had to shuffle off to the bathroom (about 3 or 4 times every night) I didn't dare turn on the light because if I caught a glimpse of myself in the large mirror, I could give myself an instant heart attack. I can think of better ways to leave this world than face down and blowing bubbles with my last breath in the toilet bowl.
               Poor little McGee must have had a rough night because when he came to greet me, he was dragging his little stinky butt on the floor. A squiggly smear of poop may look good on a blank canvas, the start of an abstract painting but all over the floor, McGee's canine creativity was anything but artsy.
               It was as dark as a mummy's tomb when McGee and I stepped outside the house and black bears on a black morning can be difficult to see. Fortunately, as the wee dog dragged his poopy butt through the wet fallen leaves (Nature's toilet paper, which I've used myself when the urge of pinching off a loaf cannot be ignored) there were no bears in the immediate vicinity. Everything was still, not a wisp of a breeze could be felt and the shadows cast by the flashlight were a little unnerving. When I heard the mournful howl of a prowling coyote in the distance and the soft hoots of a nearby vigilant owl, if a bat had suddenly swooped by my head out of the darkness, I most likely would have messed my pants.
              While we were walking along in the semi darkness, McGee sliding his wee butt down the lonely country road, which was located a little ways from home, whenever I heard a rustling sound in the nearby bushes or a twig breaking, I'm sure my eyes bugged out and my ears grew longer. Although the dark shadows combined with the noises were more than a little frightening, it was a good thing the walk turned out to be uneventful because if we had been forced to run for our lives, I can't imagine the bum-burn McGee would have suffered skidding his ass along the gravel road...cheers, eh!  

Sign up for our blog updates with your email from October 1-November 30, 2020 and you are automatically entered to win one of our original signs - artist's choice - we promise not to spam your email and only send a newsletter when there is a website or blog update!

                  

---